Things I would Tweet if I were a Tweeter

On Sunday, convinced of my own brilliance, I made the following statement:

"If Ryan Grigson doesn't make a trade by Tuesday, I will never tweet again."

The possibility of Grigson NOT making a deal never entered my – surprisingly – limited brain. So here we are. Grigs let me down and now I'm a man without a tweet. It could be worse. I could be Blaine Gabbert.

Now, I'm not addicted to twitter or anything – pay no attention to my 52,000 tweets per month – so not tweeting is actually not that hard.  Unless something incredibly stupid happens.

For example, what if the Colts decided to fill their roster spot with a tight end who had TWICE been suspended by the NFL for failing a drug test?

After the jump, we'll take a look at what my tweets may have looked like if such a ridiculous thing had actually happened.

@GregCowanCA: So the #Colts brought back a guy who has been suspended twice for failing drug tests?

@GregCowanCA: And since he's been suspended twice, that means he's failed three drug tests, right?

@GregCowanCA: I'm all for giving someone a second chance, but Saunders' second chance occurred with the Steelers. His third last year with the Colts.

@GregCowanCA: So this is his fourth chance. Which isn't unheard of in sports… but it kind of is, for a player of Saunders' ilk. ie: NOT GOOD.

@GregCowanCA: That's the most confusing thing about this signing. Saunders isn't a good player.

@GregCowanCA: In fact, it kind of worries me, because the only area he approaches average is run blocking

@GregCowanCA: Is this our first hint at what Pep's post-Reggie offense will look like? Lots of Saunders and T3p0?

@GregCowanCA: Colts have a division to win and a bye to earn. Let Luck sling it.

@GregCowanCA: AND STOP SACRIFICING YOUR MORALS AND ETHICS FOR PLAYERS WHO AREN'T GOOD.

Unfortunately, I can't tweet. So the world will be robbed of knowing just how irritated and insulted I am by this move.

Stupid twitter and stupid "NO TRADES" RYAN GRIGSON.

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