2011 Year in Review-An Homage to Community and Parks and Recreation

Nate Dunlevy checks in with his annual pop culture review of the NFL Standings.

 

It’s time to look back on on 2011. 

I have a long complicated history with the NFL. I missed out doing my annual preview this year because the story about Manning’s surgery broke the weekend I was planning on working on it. 

Here’s a look back on 2011 using two of my favorite shows as a template. If you aren’t watching Community and Parks and Recreation then you are missing out on two of the funniest shows in years.

AFC-Parks and Recreation

Record Character Quote
New England 13-3 Tammy II

“I can smell the sulfur coming off her cloven hooves”

New York 8-8 Tom Haverford

“At the risk bragging, one of the things I’m best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me smiling and taking partial credit”

Miami  6-10 Jean Ralphio

“I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.”

Buffalo 6-10 Mark Brendanawicz

“I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there’s probably a good reason why I’m down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.”

 

Record Character Quote
Houston 10-6 Andy Dwyer

“When life gives you lemons make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.”

Tennessee 9-7 Ann Perkins

“I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved Andy. He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him for three years. Now he’s an adult with a job. And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? That’s [expletive].”

Jacksonville 5-11 Jerry Gergich

“A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlamazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlamazel of our office.”

Indianapolis 2-14 Lil’ Sebastian

And though we all miss you everyday…

We know you’re up there eating heaven’s hay…

And here’s the part that hurts the most…

Humans cannot ride a ghost

 

Record Character Quote
Baltimore 12-4 Leslie Knope

“Every great work of art contains a message, and the message of this painting is, “Get out of my way unless you want an arrow in your ass.”

Pittsburgh 12-4 Ron Swanson

“My first day of college my father dropped me off at the steel mill. He didn’t think I should go to college, but I hitched a ride, enrolled, and learned a lot.”

Cincinnati 9-7 Ben Wyatt

“I was completely flustered, I came off like an idiot. I mean, at one point, for no reason, I just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.”

Cleveland 6-10 Sewage Joe 

“Joe, you work in sewage. Your department literally specializes in crap. You really want to do this?”

 

Record Character Quote
Denver 8-8 Chris Trager

You’re beautiful! On the inside… where your spirit lives.

Oakland

8-8 Perd Hapley “I’m Perd Hapley and the story of this next dance is that it’s called The Worm!”
San Diego 8-8 April Ludgate

“God, why does everything we do have to be cloaked in like 15 layers of irony?”

Kansas City 7-9 Donna Meagal “I’m down to one word a minute and the word is Peflipifisclump”

NFC-Community

Record Character Obvservation or Quote
New York 9-7 Annie’s Boobs

Not nearly as sexy as you’d think, really.

Philadelphia 8-8 Starburns The stars…just don’t cut it.
Dallas  8-8 Britta Perry

“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cancer. Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!”

Washington 5-11 Pierce Hawthorne

“I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I’ll always hate him for that.”

 

Record Character Observation or Quote
New Orleans 13-3 Abed Nadir

 

“Like the movie “Can’t Buy Me Love”. You’re going to change me from zero to hero, geek to chic.”

Atlanta 10-6 Vaugn Miller

“Everyone’s my bro, because we’re all connected. Sharks, eagles, hats.”

Carolina 6-10 Troy Barns

Jeff Winger: I’m locked out of my old kingdom. You’re not. You see what I’m saying?
Troy Barnes: You’re saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I’m saying you’re a football player! It’s in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That’s racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That’s racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That’s gay?
Jeff Winger: That’s homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That’s black.
Jeff Winger: That’s racist!
Troy Barnes: …Damn!

Tampa Bay 4-12 Ian Duncan  I really just thought he’d be…better.

 

Record Character Quote or Obvservation
Green Bay 15-1 Jeff Winger

“I don’t step up to being leader, Troy. I reluctantly accept it when it’s thrust upon me.”

Detroit 10-6 Annie Edison

Troy: I know chemistry is sexy, but Annie? I don’t see it.
Britta: You really don’t see how pretty Annie is?
Troy: Maybe it’s because I knew her in high school before she dropped out when she still had acne and a pill addiction and a nervous breakdown ending with her running into a plate-glass window screaming “everyone’s a robot!”

Chicago 8-8 Dean Robert Laybourn

I know. It was a little on the nose.
Minnesota 3-13 Fat Neil

Deserves our pity.

 

Record Character Observation or Quote
San Francisco 13-3 Dean Pealton

“And to think I let him captain my magic carpet in my dream last night.”

Arizona 8-8 Luis Guzman Only a star to the locals.
Seattle 7-9 Greendale Human Being Underwhelming and generic.
St. Louis 2-14 Chang

“It’s a scary, Chang-filled world out there.”

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