Revised Star Wars Predictions-2007

We asked ourselves, “How should we present our predictions for the season?”  Using Star Wars characters was the obvious answer.  Actually, Star Wars is the answer to most important questions.

 

 

Prediction

AFC EAST

Star Wars Character

Result?

New England

11 – 5

Emperor Palpatine

Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash.  Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled.

As evil as ever.

New York

10 – 6

Darth Maul

The threatening apprentice.  Knows what he’s doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft.

Count Dooku: Wound up unable to throw the ball.

Buffalo

6 – 10

Biggs

He was right there until the end, then he blew up.

 

See the Dallas game (Week 5).

Miami

5 – 11

Jar Jar

Bumbling moron.

“The ability to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”

 

 

 

Prediction

AFC NORTH

Star Wars Character

Result?
Baltimore

12 – 4

The Death Star

Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode.

Droid Control Station: Same basic idea, much less effective.

Pittsburgh

10 – 6

Sebulba

Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat.  The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.

 

Fell apart at the finish line.

Cincinnati

10 – 6

Crix Madine

Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive.

Super Battle Droid:  Big guns, but was ripped apart by anyone competant.

Cleveland

3 – 13

Jawas

They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk.

Ewok: Small, brown, and moderately effective.

 

 

 

Prediction

AFC SOUTH

Star Wars Character

Result?

Colts

11 – 5

Luke Skywalker

You aren’t sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can’t imagine the story ending any other way.

Cut off his hand?  No problem, he’ll replace it.

Jaguars

10 – 6

Salacious Crumb

Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes.

Gammorrean Guard: Huge and fearsome, wields an axe.

Houston

6 – 10

Bantha

Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered.

Still at the back of the pack.

 

Tennessee

6 – 10

Admiral Piett

Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Deserves a promotion.

 

 

 

Prediction

AFC WEST

Star Wars Character

Result?
Chargers

14 – 2

Darth Vader

Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential.

Not as good as he could have been.

Denver

9 – 7

Admiral Ackbar

A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps.

Couldn’t “repell firepower of that magnitude.”  Probably should have retreated.

Kansas City

6 – 10

Taun Taun

You have to be careful because they’ll let you ride them to death.

“And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”

Oakland

3 – 13

Storm troopers

They may look tough, but they aren’t.

Shows signs of life, but still folds when it counts.

 

 

 

Prediction

NFC EAST

Star Wars Character

Result?
Dallas

11 – 5

Young Obi-Wan

Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong.

Time to get a worried look and say, “That’s no moon.”

Philadelphia

10 – 6

Mace Windu

Nearly defeated the Emperor.  (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.)

“This party’s over.”

New York

8 – 8

Princess Leia

Sibling of the chosen one.

An underdeveloped talent.

Washington

7 – 9

Jabba

Rich and bloated.

Still a formidable opponent.

 

 

 

Prediction

NFC NORTH

Star Wars Character

Result?

Chicago

12 – 4

Anakin

Brash and talented, but has no arm.

Evil Anakin: Too much bad Rex.

Minnesota

6 – 10

Mon Mothma

Really, really boring.

AT-AT:  Mammoth ground weapon that goes down surprisingly easy.

Green Bay

6 – 10

Yoda

Green and 800 years old.

Dueling Yoda: Regained some former glory, but still sort of limps around.

Detroit

6 – 10

Admiral Ozzel

“He is as clumsy as he is stupid.”

Same bad result despite flashes of brilliance.

 

 

 

Prediction

NFC SOUTH

Star Wars Character

Result?
New Orleans

12 – 4

Wedge

His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he’s going to be there in the end.

Porkins: Too slow on the defense.

Carolina

7 – 9

Millennium Falcon

A favorite of everyone’s, but may break down at exactly the wrong time.

Refurbished, but too many old parts.

Tampa Bay

3 – 13

The Naboo Squadron

Lots of pilots, none of them any good.

X-Wing Squadron: Found some good piloting after all.

Atlanta

2 – 14

Han Solo frozen in carbonite

You couldn’t be more screwed.

“He’s alive and in perfect hibernation.”

 

 

 

Prediction

NFC WEST

Star Wars Character

Result?

Seattle

10 – 6

The planet Kamino

Wet, rainy and wet.

Snow-speeder: Always in the air.  Could have trouble adapting to the cold.

St. Louis

9 – 7

Kit Fisto

Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side.

Zam Wessel: Too injured to fight back.

Arizona

9 – 7

Slave Princess Leia

Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death.

Everyone will love them again next year.

San Francisco

6 – 10

Bail Organa

A rich lineage in formal attire.

Noble stand at the end hurt the empire.

 


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