2009 Projected Standings (Batman)

In the past two years, we’ve gotten Lost in a galaxy far, far away, as we’ve tried to predict the twists and turns of the NFL season.  This year, we aren’t playing around any more.  We are here to crack some skulls and bring swift justice to the NFL.  That’s right, we are looking for a dark tone this year.  With that, we give you the NFL in 2009…Batman style.

UPDATE:  Looking back over this season, I’d say we did pretty well.  Can you tell which conference we actually follow?

Prediction

AFC East

Batman Character Result Comment

Patriots

13-3

Clooney Batman:

Looked like the hero, but the nipply batsuit was creepy and evil.

10-6

Seriously underperformed expectations.  Health of franchise in doubt.

Bills

7-9

Killer Croc:

A classic case of alligator arms.

6-10

Doomed to live in the sewer

Dolphins

6-10

Mr. Freeze:

Scares no one, but we can’t stop staring at it.

7-9

Defense needed thawed out

Jets

4-12

Young Bruce Wayne:

Too inexperienced to hurt the real villains yet

9-7

Batman Begins

You couldn’t ask for a better start to a franchise reboot.

Prediction AFC North Batman Character

Steelers

11-5

Keaton Batman: Hard to argue with the success, but that doesn’t mean we have to like it.

9-7

A little overrated.

Ravens

10-6

The Joker: Crazy is written all over his face.

9-7

Turned upside down, but still kicking

Bengals

6-10

The Scarecrow: Equal parts disturbing and hilarious.

10-6

The Scarecrow (Batman Begins):

Not my choice for an ideal foe, but it worked out, I suppose.

Browns

5-11

Chirs O’Donnel Robin:

Sexy is not the same as talented

5-11

A once promising career, now destined for second string roles

Prediction AFC South Batman Character

Colts

12-4

The Dark Knight:

The hero we deserve and the hero we need.

14-2

He’ll take the blame…even though it’s not his fault.

Texans

10-6

Poison Ivy (BTAS):

Hard to resist the temptation

9-7

Get in bed with them, and you’ll get a rash

Titans

9-7

Bane:

Worthy enemy known mostly for his physical prowess.

8-8

Will pound on you, but if you are smart you can beat them.

Jaguars

6-10




Cat woman:

No one goes to see them.  Destined to get screwed by Batman

7-9

P–sy

Prediction AFC West Batman Character

Chargers

14-2

Commissioner Gordon:

Good at his job, but not nearly as interesting as Batman

13-3

Second fiddle.

Chiefs

9-7

Harley Quinn:

Not as brilliant as the originally criminally insane clown.

4-12

Heist Henchmen

Getting offed early

Raiders

5-11

Alfred (Batman and Robin):

Old man who keeps on helping out Batman.  Frankly, the relationship disturbs me.

5-11

Die already.

Broncos

4-12

Two Face (Batman Forever):

A disaster from the moment we laid eyes on it.

8-8

First they’re good, then evil, finally pathetic.

Prediction NFC East Batman Character

Giants

11-5

Mr. and Mrs. Wayne:

Tragically gunned down. The survivor never recovered.

8-8

Dead before the second act

Eagles

11-5

Manbat:

The victim of a lame experiment gone horribly wrong

11-5

Got more attention than they deserved

Cowboys

7-9

The Mad Hatter: Believes he is the protagonist of the story, but can’t nail the ending.

11-5

Stately Wayne Manor:

Over the top, but functional

Redskins

6-10

The Ventriloquist:

No matter whose lips are moving, we know who is pulling the strings

4-12

Gums flapping, but no one is listening.

Prediction NFC North Batman Character

Bears

12-4

Clayface:

Remarkably transformed, strong and adaptable

7-9

Owlman

Throwing to the wrong team

Vikings

8-8

Batman (Adam West):

Old and dated.  Lingering scent of cheese

12-4

Old Bruce Wayne:

Don’t mess with this dude.  He may be gone, but you know he’s coming back.

Packers

7-9

Bruce Wayne:

Batman without the hero complex

11-5

Silver Age Batman:

Classic hero type

Lions

6-10

Penguin (Batman Returns):

Disgusting…if you bother to watch

2-14

Still smells fishy

Prediction NFC South Batman Character

Saints

10-6

Batman Squirt Gun:

Truly frightening weapon.  We aren’t sure what it is good for.

13-3

Grappling Gun:

Multi-use weapon saves the day in inventive and unexpected ways.

Panthers

7-9

The Henchmen:

Interchangeable parts deliver a beating, but won’t ensure victory.

8-8

Cause a little chaos, but lack a competent point man.

Falcons

6-10

Robin:

Young.  Seemed like a good idea at the time, but gets worse as things move along.

9-7

Heading in the wrong direction

Bucs

5-11

The Riddler (TV):

A lot more questions than answers

3-13

Has a screw loose upstairs

Prediction NFC West Batman Character

Seahawks

10-6

Old Batman (The Dark Knight Returns):

He’s back…but he’s showing his age.

5-11

Lego Batman

Broken into little pieces

Rams

8-8

Nicole Kidman as Chase Meridan:

Totally out of place on this list.  Not at all where you would expect to find them.

1-15

Alicia Grissom:

uuuugly

 

 

Cardinals

6-10

Rachel Dawes:

Rises from mediocrity only to die a painful death

10-6

Vickie Vale:

Hotter than I gave them credit for

49ers

5-11

Batgirl:

A thinly veiled excuse to dress up in tights

 

8-8

Barbara Gordon:

Pretty useful from time to time.

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